Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There r osticjed everywhere
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
