Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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