I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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