he wants to bone in the snuggie
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
