Got a toothbrush?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
