A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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