I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
