I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
