Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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