There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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