we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
