It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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