Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
