I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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