Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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