I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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