Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
