he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
