Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
