Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
