16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
