Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
