I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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