Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
