Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
