goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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