she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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