Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we should paint friendship bongs
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