i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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