she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
