How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
