Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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