I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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