she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
