There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize