Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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