The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
