which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
