Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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