You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
