I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
