Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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