why didn't you poke me back
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
