you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
