He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
