Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
