God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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