lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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