you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
