my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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