On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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