I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
