"it" just moved
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
