Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
