Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
