remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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