Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
