Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
porn star boner night. come get it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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