weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
