Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
