Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize