I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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