Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
