I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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