Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize