you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
organizing the empties. That sober.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
