I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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