Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
