another moral hangover. fuck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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