I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
