the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
