I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
