Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
