They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's always time for handjobs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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