how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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