did you get engaged???
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
