Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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